what needs to happen

what needs to happen is when my frnd rupert moves out here, he, barry and  i need to start a group that pretty much evokes the black crowes’ in imagery and (half-undeserving) swagger: we can even cover “twice as hard.” the other thing is, we should, like, barely ever rehearse.

this band will only open on a bunch of Tuesday/Sunday night metal/industrial/hardcore bills at eugene’s samurai duck. and the bartending school across the street. we’ll record exclusively onto DAT.

now who wants to play bass?

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14 Responses to “what needs to happen”

  1. Jason Says:

    my bass playin’ days are over, but I will be a fixture at each and everyone of your shows. Or, y’know, like, a couple of them…

  2. Kyle Says:

    Wrong answer!

  3. jordan Says:

    Yeah, Jason, I guess you might have gotten confused by the fact that Pat even asked the question (a matter of courtesy?), but the board of directors have already met and decided that you’ll be playing bass in the new fiscal year.

  4. minx Says:

    And you’ll be playing some bongo overdubs on the upcoming live recording.

  5. Beth Says:

    “Twice as Hard” fucking rocks it. That is all. I am psyched to be internet friends again. After the fall of Friendster and all.

  6. barry Says:

    We will also play street corners in Corvallis (acoustic).

  7. Jason Says:

    I just bought a sweet digeridoo that I think will go over awesomely in this ensemble

  8. Kyle Says:

    Oh my, Jason. I just had severe flashes of the Entrance Symbols.

  9. rob Says:

    no joke: in nashville, i have just learned of a quadrapolegic funk/slap bass VIRTUOSO. he plays solo shows (at the bar where james fox works) where he “stands”on the bass, and proceeds to drill funk into your solar plexus. i think i could bring him, but that might throw off our black crowes vibe. in other words, i’d be honored to play with you, patch.

  10. minkdro Says:

    You guys should release an album with a crotch shot of Jason wearing a thong.

  11. kyle Says:

    Yeah, mingce is right.
    You also need to wear pewter pot leaf necklaces.

  12. barry Says:

    What bar does James work at? Is it raging?

  13. rob Says:

    i think everybody here should see this:

    Captain Beefheart’s Ten Commandments For Guitarists:

    1. LISTEN TO THE BIRDS…That’s where all the music comes from. Birds know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of times they aren’t going anywhere.
    2. YOUR GUITAR IS NOT REALLY A GUITAR…Your guitar is a divining rod. Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A guitar is also a fishing rod. If you’re good, you’ll land a big one.

    3. PRACTICE IN FRONT OF A BUSH…Wait until the moon is out, then go outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If the bush doesn’t shake, eat another piece of bread.

    4. WALK WITH THE DEVIL…Old delta blues players referred to amplifiers as
    the “devil box.” And they were right. You have to be an equal opportunity employer in terms of who you’re bringing over from the other side. Electricity attracts demons and devils. Other instruments attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub.

    5. IF YOU’RE GUILTY OF THINKING, YOU’RE OUT…If your brain is part of the
    process, you’re missing it. You should play like a drowning man, struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have something that is fur bearing.

    6. NEVER POINT YOUR GUITAR AT ANYONE…Your instrument has more power than lightning. Just hit a big chord, then run outside to hear it. But make sure you are not standing in an open field.

    7. ALWAYS CARRY YOUR CHURCH KEY…You must carry your key and use it when called upon. That’s your part of the bargain. Like One String Sam. He was a Detroit street musician in the fifties who played a homemade instrument. His song “I Need A Hundred Dollars” is warm pie. Another church key holder is Hubert Sumlin, Howlin’ Wolf’s guitar player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty making you want to look up her dress to see how he’s doing
    it.

    8. DON’T WIPE THE SWEAT OFF YOUR INSTRUMENT…You need that stink on there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music.

    9. KEEP YOUR GUITAR IN A DARK PLACE…When you’re not playing your guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you don’t play your guitar for more than a day, be sure to put a saucer of water in with it.

    10. YOU GOTTA HAVE A HOOD FOR YOUR ENGINE…Wear a hat when you play and keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on your house the hot air can’t escape. Even a lima bean has to have a wet paper towel around it to make it grow.


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