In my case it has proven to be true that the only way out of a Major Depressive Episode (sic) is through a wind tunnel of panic and anxiety.  Cognitive Behavioralists tell us that acute anxiety is best confronted through immersion, which means, ironically, that one must un-ironically endure increasing, intentional confrontations with whatever’s making one go whatever over blah-blah-blah because of fuck-all. Everyday. No breaks for Pat Travers Band shows, even!

 

What does this mean for tumblr? Not even a sucked orange’s weight in aquarium gravel.

 

But it means that the truism “things will get worse before they get better” is worsening in direct proportion to bullishness about expectations and results.  Turner has reassembled his guitar and hired on with a wage-paying shame-station.  But busying one’s idle hands can actually unleash suicidal ideas if you are “far enough gone” that reintroducing oneself to scary everyday things doesn’t scare one “straight.” (That’s right, Satan: if you need something done, ask a busy person!) 

 

At the very least, all the hard-earned “structure” cements nothing so much as certainty that one will end the day running away, assured of a looming expiration agreed upon backstage but unknown to our protagonist.   One thinks of that old gun show mantra, “Sniper: You Can Run, But You’ll Only Die Tired.”

 

Tired, yes.  Tired of sleeping resembling a mugging. Terrified by the absence of comfort, oblivion, negativity and nothingness.  Getting better. One hand clapping a mesh hand.

 

We are old enough to know better.   But tomorrow even drowning could seem boring and disappointing, do you know?  Or maybe the coercive immersion arc’s back will break and we’ll buy somebody’s baby a fucking ice cream cone and surf saltines on the fucking volvo nintendo. 

Turner was voted “Replicant Least Likely To Succeed” by area Future Business Leaders and was sold for scrap by the Mondale campaign. 

Nobody knows how he knew about Tumblr.  When he mentioned it in conversation nobody knew what he was saying or thought much about it.  A lot of chaps were taking tumbling classes back then, if you know what I mean. I don’t know.

One Response to “”

  1. TAD Says:

    Keep writing, Lex. Write your way out, buddy. I know the feeling. It’ll be Spring soon. The sun will come back out. Until then, keep on doing it.


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